Today's rant is for a special kind of stupid.  I'm going to call it Texas stupid.  Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE Texas. I love living here.  I love most of the people.  But DAAAAAAAMMMNNN, have I come across the biggest sack of rocks ever.

Let me explain.  I put a call for loopers for the loop fest.  What's a looper you might ask?  Well, that question alone makes you a superior intellect.  Apparently, no musicians actually read in Texas.  They fake it.  I post up posting for every market on craigslist, on Indieonthemove, on sonicbids and via several Facebook groups and email listserves and dang if the bottom feeders didn't pounce on it like Robert Downey Jr. would on a pile of coke.  (Too mean? Not at all, in fact, I should apologize to Robert, as he can clearly get shit done.)

I got submissions for country bands, rock bands, HIP-HOP...strangely that vast majority of idiots come from one singular vortex of douche-baggery - Austin.    It was a simple ad - calling loopers (specifically live looping) for a loopfest.  Send a link.  The Austinidiots generally responded with "We're the best thing since sliced cheese! We played cool venues and everybody is talking about us and blah, blah, blah..."  Not a word about looping.  Not a word about gear.  Me being the guy I am, for the first few responders I checked out their stuff.  Surprise, surprise, surprise...not a one had anything to do with looping.  As this crap continued to roll in I continued to delete.  But then I thought, maybe I should test a couple of them.  So I responded with some simple things like "I didn't see anything in your description about looping"  and "Is so-and-so a looper?"  to which I received hostile response and the gem of all gems "I'm not familiar with that terminology. If that means he records his own music than yes he is." OMG....that dude really needs to fire his booking-retard.  This is not one or two cases.

I have one guy who doesn't quite fit what I'm looking for, but his thing is pretty interesting and uses the same tech and (GASP) he's pretty intelligent about what he does and understands what I'm doing.  A REFRESHING change that gives me hope. 

I have several others that randomly send me mp3s.  Seriously?  Because I want all the viruses from your computer?  You did read the part that said "SEND A LINK" right?  Or do you just not have a website?  Because I really want to pack a line-up full of ass-wipes that don't have a website, or a youtube video, or a myspace or a soundcloud.  I don't require anything fancy.  Just something that, I don't know, maybe a concert-goer or  a FAN might want to check it.  This isn't the "Obscure Fest."  If you're too dumb to not know that you need to promote yourself, you're flat out too dumb to play my festival.  Especially the guy who says, "I don't have a car to get there, but I have a bomb-ass show."  Okay, maybe I'll but a ticket, how about a link?  No website.  I'm guessing that between no website and no car you've got no talent wedged solidly in there as well. 

Too mean?  Not at all...stupid needs to be treated as stupid. 

All I can say is, I am grateful for the serious artists.  I am grateful for those who read.  I am grateful for those who respond with a link and quick note.  YOU guys make is all worthwhile.  Even if it doesn't work, YOU are the kind of people that make sifting through the double-boat-load of crap worth it.  For you others... seriously, get a clue.  Take yourselves more seriously.  Be a professional.

Granted, I have a lot on my plate that has made me extra-bitchy; but you have taken me over the edge.  I need to get your special kind of stupid out of my psyche. 

You know, for the NW Fest I didn't get a single stupid inquiry.  I did get some that weren't appropriate.  I had a few that went round and round for a minute.  I had one that took several conversations for us to get on the same page.  But not a single one that was just plain butt-stupid.

Guess I still have a lot to learn about my new home...  :(