The sad reality is the isolation of doing this music thing.  It's really a DIY thing.  The fact is there are things you have to say, things you have to do, and it's often not polite.  Sometimes it's very gracious, but mostly it's tactical.  And it's over nothing....  the reality is we're scrapping over peanut shells.  Doesn't change the fact that some fuckwad is still a fuckwad. Doesn't change the fact that deals are still deals.  But the sad pittance of it, and even more sadly, the importance of that pittance has very real consequences.  

And none of that helps with people who disagree and can never understand.  And there's a lot of squeezing that goes on.  I've done it, I do, and I get squeezed.  It's a part of the biz.  It's real and, sadly, necessary, but there's a ton of hacks, two-bit hustlers, and just flat out shitty people out there.  

If only I was 20 again, I'd be an engineer and have a great life.  

It's not that I'm dissatisfied, it's that those close to me have zero conception.  As I get older that carries much more weight.  I'm fine with it. I made and committed to those decision a long time ago. But aging and living with those choices makes one want to dissuade others from this life.  It's not a bad life, but it is a hard life.  And I've not really had a hard life because I'm a dinosaur and am able to handle most anything, but relationships suffer, and there is no joy or happiness there.  And that kind of thing weighs on you.  

So be it.  Choices.